到底怎麽了 What’s going on
連我自己都搞不懂狀況了終于。我和他似乎一直都有時差(Jet lag)的問題。在他對我有意思有好感的時候,我不在乎;等到我明白自己喜歡的人原來就是他時,他心目中早就有了另一個她。戀人的心意縂像無法卡緊的齒輪,充滿時間參差的孔洞。不論把愛情寄托在未來,還是拒絕接受對方的改變而沉溺在美好的過去,都是活在一種時差狀態。
I don’t know what’s going on at last. It seems that he and I always have the Jet-lag problem. When he showed his kindness to me, I didn’t pay attention to; well, at last when I realized that he was the very one I like, there was a girl in his heart already. The feelings of sweeties always look like the gear that can’t be fastened well. It is full of the irregular-time holes. No matter repose love in the future, or refuse his change and wallow in the happy past, it is the same that living in a jet-lag situation.
境界,已經到了什麽境界了.有時真的連我自己都覺得恐怖,一個被譽爲感性的人居然在感情上如此地理性。理性地讓人覺得可怕,覺得恐怖,覺得不可思議。一次又一次地,我的閨中密友都說我怎麽就能如此地大方。而我的答案都是,我,並不大方還很自私,我這麽做只是因爲我不得不這麽做。我真的就是這麽想的。幸福,真正的幸福本來就不應該帶有半點勉強。很多人都明白,勉強是不會有幸福的,然而並不是所有人都能做得到不去勉強。
Level, I don’t know what level I have reached. Sometimes, I do feel that I am so fearful. I am considered to be a sensitive person, actually could be so rational on my sensation. It is too rational, which makes my friends feel awesome and unimaginable. Again and again, my best friends all said that how could I do so, how could I am so benevolently. And, my answers were the same, I am, not really benevolently but very selfish, why I do so because I have to. It is true, I really think so. Happiness, the real happiness should not be with any reluctance. I believe that many people know about reluctance could not bring the happiness; however, not everyone could do it.
就在我生日的當天,我終究把自己的想法說出來了,而他的答案卻是如此地硬,婉轉而堅決地説明了他心中已經有人了。那天,我的心情算是糟透了,19年來第一個最糟糕的生日。我知道,我無法勉強他也無法要求他什麽。只好把喜歡藏在心裏,一直藏在心裏。我想這是我唯一能做的。
It was my birthday that I told him my real feeling. His answer was so hard, he used a stoutly and euphemistical way to indicate there was a girl in his heart. That day, my mood was so bad, I was so upset. It was the worst birthday in my 19 years. I know, I know, I cant concede him or demand him anything. What I can do is to hide my feelings in my deep heart.
過去,我一直在矛盾中,每當想到他,心裏就會在擔心,以後或許就不能找到一個比他好或者起碼和他一樣優秀的男生。不過,現在看來,這已經沒有什麽好矛盾的了。畢竟,我所需要的人是屬於極少數的,就是真的就這麽好運能被我遇上了,別人也未必就會喜歡上我。
In the past, I was living in the conflict. Every time, when I thought of him, I would worry that I can’t find a guy who is better than him or at least as good as him in the future. But now I think it is unnecessary to think this problem. The guy who I need is few in the world after all; and even if my luck let me meet one, well, I don’t think that one would fall in love with me. So, give up.
有和我認真聊過天的大人們或是長輩們都會覺得我是個思想挺成熟的女孩子,都有一種刮目相看的感覺。其實,連我自己都不知道我的觀念都是從哪裏來的,或許是平時從父母身上吸取而來的吧。但是,我覺得做人太執著並不是件好事,凡事看開點,看事情得多角度,適時也多為別人著想,多穿穿別人的鞋子。
As long as the eldership have a serious talk with me, and then they would think I am mature in thought, they would look at me with new eyes. In fact, I still don’t know where my views came from, maybe I learnt them from my parents unconsciously. However, I do think that a person who is too clinging is not a good thing. Treat everything with a free attitude, look it in many angles and sometimes consider for others more often, always set your feet in others shoes.
對於我自己,我只能說我正經歷一個迷惘期。正需要時間……
For me, what I could say is that I am in my perplexed period. Need some time to go through.